bits

i shan't lie, i like to make things sound pretty. especially up here on this blog, where i can control whatever shows up on screen. ha. ha. you think you know, but you have no idea. the following is a smallish list of some of the weirder things spain has to offer us little albino estudiantes:

numero uno: eye-less cats. EYE-LESS. sometimes tail-less, and always wild and eating garbage. my friend anna tries to pet them a lot, and it's rather a job to get her to back off. "hola, gato!" more like hola, rabies. these cats are not friendly and they are certainly not fluffy. they're basically walking pipecleaners. poor sodden beasts...

dos: raucous and abundant pidgeons/swallows. i hate birds, and the other day, one flew in my open window. but we won't get into that.

tres: fiestas en los barrios. meaning, neighborhood carnivals that echo our own county fairs, but in a slightly less safe and organized way. you thought that wasn't possible? you thought wrong. i'll give you a quick "hypothetical": three girls see a snazzy octupus-like ride at the fiesta in Poligano and decide to give it a go. they do the sensible thing and buy a ticket (2.50€), and wait along the perimeter to be called. stupid, stupid little girls. when the ride stops, they are basically trampled beneath the stampede of ratty little niños who haven't paid, but know the real rules of the fiesta. they run about the ride for five minutes searching for an open seat, only to be openly mocked by a pair of scrawny mullet-topped chicos who have slid into the last one. oh sad awakening. barrio fiestas suck.

cuatro: cat calls. don't be surprised if your quiet three-person chat at a terraza on sunday night turns into a three-person defense against the opposite sex. also, no need to walk around feeling insecure. there are plenty of men (old and young) willing to tell you that you're loved...er whatever. luckily, they are never aggressive.

cinco: dubbed movies. actually, dubbed everything. i will commend the spanish on their taste in films, both american and otherwise. there is plenty to watch. but just...how can i take Robin Williams seriously when his voice sounds dark and suave and spanish? yes, it's educational. yes, i prefer robin williams in english. yes, this is obnoxious.

seis: ham. wait, have i mentioned the ham? HAM. there, i've mentioned it thrice. ham is everywhere. if you think you like ham, you might think you'll like spain. i assure you, this is no ham you've ever tasted at your family christmas party. this is ham in many different shades of blushing pink, with all sorts of shiver-inducing textures. ham for dinner ham for lunch, ham hanging in your window. have you had enough? ham.



having said all of this, let it also be known that first: this list is in no way comprehensive, second: this stuff is true, and third: i love spain. what would it be like without all of these things? far less exciting.

(but lord, the cats are hideous.)